It Came From Ikea

I recently went to Ikea for the first time. To put it mildly, I was overwhelmed. From what I remember, and I have a completely non-biased memory, it was a cross between Costco, and Dante’s Inferno. But, out of all the various horrors, trials, and tribulations, there was one machine in particular that I didn’t understand on such a fundamental level that I’m still trying to come to terms with it.

Behold the Cushion Smoosher

Never before have I seen such a useless redundant machine. On the first level, it seems like a machine to display the comfortable qualities of the chair. Then it dawns on you, no one has a small square metal butt to sit on it. So then this machine either has absolutely no purpose past existing, forever doomed to smash cushoins, or it’s made to sell chairs to robots; which is an equally terrifying reality.

The thing that really drove this evil machine of Ikea’s making home for me, was the two ladies standing and watching the display going; occasionally tapping on the glass in approval. If there’s anyone thing that I learned from this, it’s that most of us try way to hard to sell stuff. Because according to the successful giant Ikea, all you need to do is show it repeatedly smooshed.

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